A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of Perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."
By: Julius Ceasar
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week", she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss."I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week" The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
he replied laughing : Coz, I just love hearing that ..."
One day there was a blonde driving down the street when she sees a bunch of people gathered around looking at something. The blonde parks her car and goes to see what is going on. All the people were looking out onto a green meadow where a blonde was in the middle paddling a canoe. The blonde got angry because all the people were laughing at her, so she says: It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name, as soon as I swim over there I am going to kick.....
By: ahmad rifai
why did a guy spill tea on his shirt??
so it will be a t-shirt
On the sixth day God turned to the Angels and said: " Today I am going to create a land called Syria. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of snow, beautifully sparkly rivers cutting through forests full of all kind of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich to make the inhabitants prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Syrians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on Earth"
"But Lord," asked the Angels, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Syrians? Isn't it unfair for the rest of the world?"
"Not really," replied God. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."
Abul-Abed came back from the US and all his friends came to ask him what America was like.
" America is great, it must be one of the greatest countries in the World !"
" How great? Tell us more! "
" For example, in New York, they have buildings so tall that a few days before I left, a guy jumped from the roof and it took him 3 days to hit the ground..."
" Wow! Did he die? "
" 3 days without water or food and you want him to live? "
A Syrian man goes to a Lebanese restaurant in Beirut.
He asks the waiter for the location of the restrooms.
The waiter points to a section towards the end of the restaurant.
The Syrian goes there and sees 2 doors.
He stands there looking at the first door and then at the second door.
He stays there looking at these doors back and forth for 10 minutes, while people go in and out.
Finally the waiter comes and asks the Syrian man.
Waiter: Is there a problem sir?
Syrian: Well, one of the doors
is for people from Damascus (Dames), and
the other from Homs (Hommes).
I am from Aleppo, so I don't know where to go !
By: Julius Ceasar
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mummy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now"
"Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on
the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout
to Mummy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy"
"And what happened honey?" he asked
"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"O my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and
he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess
he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it, he hit
the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??...I think I have the wrong
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
The Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
The Lion says: "If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid
Then the Chicken says: "Big deal. I only have to cough, and the
entire planet sh*ts itself."
By: Imad Khawaja
You may not know this, but many non-living things have a gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last
5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male,
didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be
lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons
to push, he keeps trying!
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Abu Reb7ee from tafeeleh.
We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which
I want to bring to your notice.
After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only
****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked
with hardware vendor Abou Saleh and he said that there is no problem
in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password
*****. I request you to check this, as we ourselves do not know what
the password is.
We are unable to enter anything after we click the shut down button.
There is a button 'start' but there is no stop button. We request
you to check this.
We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run'
and he has ran up to Amman! So, we request you to change that to sit
so that we can click that by sitting.
One doubt is that any're-scooter' available in system? As I find
only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
Also there is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife
lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this
'find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for.
"In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?"
"Wow! Are you kidding?"
"Yeah, but you started it."
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.''
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.''
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. ''Where are you?'' the man asked. ''Who are you?''
''I am your guardian angel,'' the voice answered.
''Oh yeah?'' the man asked... ''And where the hell were you when I got married?''