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By: Khawaja Emad
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her irresistible younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age and simply beautiful. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I just could not believe my ears. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he Hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter........ Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in the car and not in your pocket
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Abu Cajo
three roommates: homsi, A french and an American live in one dorm.

One day the French said, guys take 10 dollars each and go grab something to eat while my girlfriend visits me for a quicky..

American and Homsy come back after half an hour to see Frenchy sitting on a couch feeling good...

Guys ask the Frenchy: How many orgasms did u have??

Frenchy says: 3!!

Guys say: What about her?

He says 4!!!!

and they all cheer him up.

Next comes the American, who gives the Homsy and Frenchy 50 dollars each, and says, go treat yourselves to a good dinner, while I spend the evening with ma girl Stacy..

They go, come back and see him sitting exhausted on the sofa...

"How many?" the guys asked the American..

He says: 7!!!

"What about her?" the guys went on...

The American says : 14!!!

they all cheer him up.

Now comes the Homsi's turn. He hands Frnechy and the American 100 dollars each, and say, get lost for a full day, ma boo is coming for a full day.

the American and frenchy come back next day morning, to see the homsy on the floor, totally exhausted, looking pale with a cigarette in his mouth.

How many!?!??!

He says: 47!!!

what about her??

She didn't come.

Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: ghada
For most of us, Chinese is a very difficult language to learn or understand. Hopefully, these simplifications will help you understand the Chinese language just a bit better!

Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table

Chin Tu Fat - You need a face lift

Dum Gai - A stupid person

Gun Pao Der - An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Flung Dung - Which one of you fertilized the field?

Hu Yu Hai Ding - We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive

Jan Ne Ka Sun - A former late night talk show host

Kum Hia - Approach me

Lao Ze Sho - Dawson's Creek

Lao Zi - Not very good

Lin Ching - An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding - A great achievement of the American space program

Ne Ahn - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs

Shai Gai - A bashful person

Tai Ne Bae Be - A premature infant

Tai Ne Po Ne - A small horse

Ten Ding Ba - Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung - A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Te Tan - Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah - Cleaning an automobile

Wai So Dim - Are you trying to save electricity?

Wai U Shao Ting -- There is no reason to raise your voice

Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Imad
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"

Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-5
for help. Within a minute MI-5 cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: samir khoury
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stoking his face with bothhands. "Actually no ..." he replied. "Can you get him for me ... I need to speak to him," she said running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't ..." breathed the bartender "Is there anything I can do...?" "Yes I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him," the bartender managed to mumble. "Tell him," she whispered alluringly, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room."
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: m[e]d
A little Red Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Texor Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive." "For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake." "Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people." It's very simple and easy to understand." "Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: katia
What will a Homsi do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Khadeeja
A man walks up to a Syrian sheep farmer and says, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have down there, can I keep one?" The farmer glances at the vast array of sheep, snickers, and says, "Sure." The man looks carefully at the sheep, then says, "5,279." The farmer, startled, says, "How did you do that?" The man says, "I'd rather not say. Can I have my animal?" "I guess so," says the farmer. The man picks up an animal and starts to walk away. "Wait!" yells the farmer. "If I can guess where you're from, will you give me my animal back?" The man snickers, and says, "Sure." "You're from Lebanon," says the farmer. The man, startled, says, "How did you do that?" The farmer says, "I'd rather not say. Can I have my dog back?"
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy and a girl sitting at the top of the roof and kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom "when is dad gonna marry the maid?"
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Clever Homsi
5 homsi men decided to visit Damascus for the first time in their lives. After they have arrived to the garage, they started walking in the streets with no specific goal in mind. But after a couple of hours of continous walking they have reached a small farm near Harasta, they were so tired that they could not walk any more.they met the farm owner and bought five donkeys from him and they ride the animals and took the right way to Damascus. They entered damscus, but as we know it is very croudy in Damascus and they made things worst. The policeman saw them and shouted: hee hee guys, what the hell are you doing here with your donkeys. with surprise they answered we do not know, the donkeys are leading us. The police man said:what donkeys are leading you to this croudy places, I am sure that you are from Homs.They replaied: yes you are right but the donkeys are from Damascus.
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy and a girl sitting at the top of the roof and kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom "when is dad gonna marry the maid?"
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Black Night
Dear Sweet Heart

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You re my sweetheart.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. Milk man was agreed on 2 kisses
2. Teacher agreed on 7 kisses
3. Our house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses of mine.
4. Vegetable and food shop keeper was not agreeing with kisses only, so I have given some other items to him...........
5. Others 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have balance 35 kisses and I hope I can complete this month.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise?????????

Your Sweet Heart.
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Emadova
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both
arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later
he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs.
Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol
rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat.
Now he's president of the United States."
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Zizo
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband
gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on
the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the
end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus ... "
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10
By: Jungle
man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to
three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the
left costs 500 dollars".
Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well
the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs
1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus
it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and
is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the
question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a
thing but the other two call him boss!"
Rate Rate: 3 out of 10

Most of the jokes in this section of the Electronic Magazine are not written by the webmasters. If you find the jokes offending, does not assume any responsibility nor will it entertain any complaints regarding the jokes. They are not meant to be racist or offend anyone. If you would rather not read these jokes, please leave this section.
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