The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves".
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains"? "A standard pricing practice", said the head of the team. "Women's
brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Marie with me."
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
By: Ahmad Jandali
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
A blind guy walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the guy beside him "wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?". The guy says "hey i'm blonde, the bouncer's blonde, the bartenders blonde, the guy to the left of you is blonde, and the pro wrestler behind you is blonde, still wanna tell that dumb blonde joke?". "No I don't wanna have to explain it 5 times."
Two blondes were walking to Disney World. After 34 days of walking non-stop from Pennsylvania to Flordia, the smartest blonde of the two noticed a sign that read..."Disney World Left!" So they went home.
There was a man standing on the street, while a huge flood was going on. Someone came in a boat and said,"dude you're going to die do you need a ride?" He said,"no thank you god will save me." Then came someone in a helicopter. He said,"dude you're going to die do you need a ride?" The man replied,"no thank you god will save me." The man died and went to heaven. He asked god, "why didn't you save me." God said, "I gave you a boat and a helicopter what else do you want?"
once a squirrel went to a bar.. she told him gimme some crackers.. the bartender said they dont sell crackers here.. the next day the squirrel comes again and asks for some crackers.. n again the bartender says they dont sell crackers in here.. the third day again the sqirrel asks for some crackers.. so the bartender tells him: "if u ask for crackers again, i will nail ur head with a nail n a hammer!"
so the squirrel comes the next day n asks : do u have some nails? the bartender says no.... he asks again.. do u have a hammer? n again the bartender replies no.. so then he says: well then gimme some crackers
By: just laugh from jenny A
A Palestinian asked another: How many times do you shave in a month . The other guy answered 350 times, The palestinian answered in a shock: are you crazy? The other guy said NO, I am a hair dresser. : )
By: Zohni Husami
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean.
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-kee' am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
"No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'm going to do you!"
The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do. After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town pretty mad.
He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
"You know what to do."
Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he's really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says,
"You're not doing this for the hunting, are you?"
They say that men only think about sex. That's not exactly true.
They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer.