An American, a Brit and an Iraqi are in a bar one night having a beer. The Yankee drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the States our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Brit obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Britain we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Iraqi, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the American and the Brit. He says "In Baghdad we have so many Americans and Brits that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Your mama's so fat, that when she was swimming in an ocean, the whales came up and said "We are family"
A man loved a girl who studies computer science. He sent her a letter saying: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY COMPUTER Believe me it is true... You installed the best in me. Your picture is always in my background. You clicked my heart gently. You drive me crazy when I see you. Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me. You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted. I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heartbeats per second. You hacked my brain and registered your name in it. You are the only one that could navigate my feelings and explore myemotions at the same time. (Multitasking)I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding. I always feel you close to me when I shut down my eyes, or when I open my windows waiting for you to pass. You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out. I dream of being your only server as long as I live. You don't have to search for me, cause we are always linked to each other. I see your name everywhere, my FrontPage, my homepage and all my software. I scanned my life and found that I'm only infected by you. You are the virus I'd never remove, and why should I do?You formatted my life and added happiness to view.Believe me it is true... I love you more than my CPU !!!!!!!!!!
COMMENT: NEVER EVER TRUST A COMPUTER ENGINEER, COZ AFTER TESTING ALL THE VERSIONS, THEY GIVE U A RUNTIME ERROR
By: austrian girl.
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good :)
a chemistry teacher was preparing his class to study for an exam. He started introducing new formulas such as the water" H20" amonia "NH3" and so on.
The day of the Exam , the teacher asked Hanni , who is not a very smat student , but very willing to pass this hard class:
He asked her , what is the formula for water molecules?
She replied , H I J K L M N O . the teacher was very disappointed in her after all the preparation he had done for the class.
She exclaimed : didn't you say that it was "H to 0 "
The Bride Said To The Groom : I Need Ring In The Wedding Day . The Groom Answered Her : Ok Fine Give Me Ur Phone Number.
The Boy Said To The Girl : Can I Hold Ur Hands .
The Girl Answered Him : No Thanks They Are Not Heavy I Can Handle Them .
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh... immediately he turned ninety!!!
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
By: khaled karkouch
Jim’s Doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.
“All I want” Jim tells his wife, “is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon”. Witch is exactly what they did. But after four hours of blissful romance, she announces that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. “Oh come on” Jim whispers in her ear. “Look” his wife snaps, “I have got to get up in the morning. You do not”.
abou abad(aa) was in the airport of usa, the policeman(p) there starts 2 ask him:
p:u r from?
aa:4-5 times at week
p:i dont mean that, i mean male or female?
aa: male,female ,it doesn't matter, 4-5 times at week :)
Q:Why does a Homsi take his medicine before the time he is suposed to take it? A: Because he wants to suprise the Bacterias
By: some chic...
a teacher asked one of her students to say the alphabet, so one boy came up and said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."...the teacher was like: "where did the P go?" the student answered "its goin down my pants"...lol